The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
