btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
