another moral hangover. fuck.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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