i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
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Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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