My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
