spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
