To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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