I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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