You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My bed smells like the plague
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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