his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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