They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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