So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
