dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
