and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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