Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I want her autograph on my taint
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
