This is not my ceiling
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
