He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
