The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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