i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You pole danced in your parka.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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