Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
