Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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