i permit you to call me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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