Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
