but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
