i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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