I love black thongs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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