my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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