i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
