ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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