Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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