Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
