And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
