Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
