Your mouth is God's brothel.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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