you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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