Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
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I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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