I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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