ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
