Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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