Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
