how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
