were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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