Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
