I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
