I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
