Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
