no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
