i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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