Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
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And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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