I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
