Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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