I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
