I'm sorry my penis didn't work
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
