if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
