I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize