dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
