can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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