Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
