I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
