He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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