John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
