I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dignity is for republicans.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
