remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
