people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
