i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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