i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
