dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We left the knife in your bed.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
