Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's never too late to be topless.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
