my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
