FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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